Lately I've put a lot of thought into who I am and who I want to be, where I am and where I want to be, where WE are and want to be. I realized a lot. I'm not content to be a nurse. Nurses are looked down on, most of them are catty whenches who don't know anything and don't care about their patients. My reasoning behind brig a nurse use to be that I would get to be with babies all day and care for them. But now I realize, some babies don't make it. I couldn't deal with that. And now days, nursing isn't a prestigious role. They're the fall guys that get blamed. Oh and nursing schools are a ploy to get money. Screw that. I won't be the fall guy. I don't want to be a nurse. Period. It's just not me anymore. I want to be a mom. Until then, because Chris wants us to have jobs and degrees, I think I might look into nannying. I rather spend time caring for children, than wasting more money and time because schools dont accept my prior credits. I could make money doing it and actually be thanked for doing so. But then there is the fact that everyone expects me to be a nurse and get a degree and blah blah blah. Well guys it's not what I want! Maybe someday if our healthcare system and "professionals" change! I don't see that happening though.
Also, I don't want to be in a situation where we live with a roomate again. Don't get me wrong, having a roomate isn't all bad. But it's HARD when you've lived one way and have to make changes to that way of life for someone else, that you don't love. I make changes for my husband as he does for me. But roomates are different. And it sucks when you're in your first year of marriage, sharing an apartment with a roomate. In a strange place. With no family near. I can't explain how difficult it all is.
Oh, and holy baby fever. Everyone is getting pregnant. Some of my classmates with seconds, family, people younger than me. Everyone but me it seems. I see a baby or a pregnant belly and I get all emotional. Maybe its because I miss my family and I am having this nesting thing where I want to have my own baby so my family near me gets bigger? Or because I have always just loved babies and children so much. Or because I want to make gorgeous babies with the love of my life and have that amazing bond with the baby and even deeper tie with my husband. Something that is part of us both, that we would love inexplicably much.
I just feel so... I don't even know. I have never had this feeling. It scares me and worries me. And it sucks because lately I have taken to food for comfort. Not good! Something has got to give. I need something positive, something happy.
Today, we slept in until 1. Well, not sleeping in truly, as we were up until nearly 5 a.m. watching movies. It was nice, we laid cuddling for a while after waking up. I love cuddling. So much that I get really mopey if I don't get cuddles. El Chris says it's my energy source. Pretty much. I don't eat a lot, and I'm really skinny, so I think I need more cuddles. Haha.
Anyways, after cuddling we decided to get out of bed and get ready for the day. I was getting dressed when my lovely honey reached into his closet saying "you know what. I wonder if this fits you." He then handed me his beloved Avengers shirt. Now, many of you don't know this, but my husband is a huge nerd. He loves the Avengers, so him giving me this shirt actually meant a lot to me. And I look pretty, nerdishly sexy in it, if I do say so myself.
I was looking around for my bra, and went to reach for it when Mr.FlyingSpiderMonkey comes out of no where and snatches it up. He then proceded to run around the room and over the bed multiple times keeping it from me. Finally, I was on the bed, an advantage, and he was cornered, or so I thought.
So I jumped off the bed onto him. And low and behold, he doesn't have my bra anymore. I'm frantically searching behind him, and yes, in the back of his pants for it. He is laughing at my confused looks, and efforts to find where he hid it. Telling me he is Houdini. And then I realized that he probably threw it over my head when I jumped on him. There it was on the bed. We both dashed, and ended up wrestling for it, for a few minutes.
I loved it. Moments like those, where we are totally ourselves and carefree make this life wonderful. I'm lucky to have married a playful and loving soul. And I hope we are still like this fifty or more years from now.
