What is Missing?

The Defectives
It's usually quite upsetting to think about what is missing. As human beings we all have a need to gain more, achieve more, earn more,etc. We always feel as if something were missing, but we can never really tell exactly what. We fill one void and another opens it's vast feeling of emptiness in our souls. So what gives?

So there's that kind of "something missing". A silly feeling we get. Now here comes the interesting part! It has been made clear that my younger sister and father are missing organs. My sister is missing her appendix, and my father was born without his appendix and a kidney. The defects, known as Müllerian defects, are hereditary, and have also made an appearance in my older sister. She had a partial Septate Uterus, and was supposedly never going to conceive. But the big guy over head works in mysterious ways, and now we have a little miracle in the family name Lorelei and she will be two in February.

Lorelei originally was quite possibly a twin, but early on in my sister's first trimester she experienced what we had believed to be a miscarriage. We were all very distraught. But another ultrasound showed a growing "blueberry". Little Lumpy survived to our surprise and had to be delivered via Cesarean at 42 weeks! She refused to come out. And during the C section the found my big sis's septum (which had shrank mysteriously) was what merely seemed a large skin tag. We joke about it and say that Lorelei ate it.

So here we are at me. The only daughter left to find out what is missing or defective. I'm already an odd ball because of all of my allergies, lactose intolerance, asthma and occasional ovarian cysts which cause some awful discomfort (if I say something hurts it is probably ten times more painful for others, I have a high pain tolerance) and difficulty conceiving as mine occur and rupture during ovulation.

So what else? Finding out early this morning that my baby sis was born without an appendix, on top of my Dad and older sister's known issues has really taken it's toll on me today. Is it my kidneys, my appendix, or *sending up prayers to The big guy that it's not* my uterus? I realize that now, it's time I get an ultrasound for my peace of mind, and so I know if something further should be done.

I have a feeling, that if I were to inherit that awful gene that causes Müllerian defects, it would most likely be my uterus and cervix that would be affected. My reasons for believing this are that, unlike all the other females in my family who started menstruating as early as eight and no older than twelve, I started at fourteen. My cycle has never been "normal". I've had times where I wouldn't have a period for two or three months where the bleeding would be minimal, to times where I would bleed continuously for three months (when I was on the pill).

The latter ordeal was excruciating. I went from having no cramping and little bleeding to gushing and cramping that left me bed ridden, weak and anemic. Also on the MINI pill, I lost fifteen pounds. Being 5'4 and only 103 pounds was not okay. So I quit the pill. But my periods are still irregular after a year of being off of birth control, and still very painful.

I'm terrified to have an abnormality in my uterus. I want nothing more than to make beautiful babies with the love of my life in a few years, and if something comes up that creates a problem in that arena on top of ovarian cysts, I would be so hurt. I'm praying up a storm here, that everything is A-Ok. Or if something is wrong, I at least get to experience the same miracle my older sister did.
One thing is for sure. I am really MISSING my family.

Lighting Up Our Lives Since 02/03/11